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Sunrise said:
now T is telling me to get angry and cuss out my H

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Do you think your T might be trying to get you to not only say what you are feeling but also to express it? And then even go a step farther and demand that your H stop whatever he is doing to anger you?

In one of my early session, I had finally admitted that I felt angry at my H. The next session my T asked me to reflect on the previous session. I said I thought I had made some progress because I clearly expressed the fact that I was angry. My T countered with, "Really, you were angry?" "I didn't get that from you last session." Inside I about flipped out, my head started replaying the dialog from the previous session, I started quoting the exact exchange.. I said, "I think I am angry"... "Yes, I feel angry"... "This is anger!" I was so confused. I didn't get it; how could she not have heard my say that I was angry.

That this now my favorite T quote. I laugh every time I hear it now.

Do you think when people are told to punch a pillow or practice screaming, that it is helpful in learning to express anger?

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disentangling the negative emotions

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This is really an interesting comment. Sounds like....un-attuning. Or allowing others to feel negative emotions without it rubbing off on you. Did you and your T work on this uncoupling? It seems like in some cases it's a stimulus-response kind of conditioning. Can you just undo connections after 20 years?