I'm definately a misfit. Haven't left my apartment in over a year. Have only spoken with my long time girlfriend who I live with during that year. Have been severely depressed for 3 1/2 years this time. Have had other depression episodes in the past. Before 2017, 2008 was the prev. extended episode. Ended up in the hospital in 2017. When I left I wasn't feeling any better but didn't want to tell them how severe my depression was because I didn't want to stay any longer. Nothing anyone can do or could have done. I was there about 2 weeks, mental ward. I only had to pay $2,100 out of a $164,000. bill. (medicare) 3 meals a day, talked to a psychiatrist for 5 mins a day. There were groups each day, rarely attended any. I would just eat & go back to bed & listen for my name to talk to the psych. Got my vitals checked 3 times a day. My son called me on my birthday & father's day this year. Hadn't heard from him in over 2 years. He was prob. Too embarrassed.Too embarrassed to call him back. He may have beaten his drug addiction. He ended up in jai for 6 mos after living in his mom's garage. Not strong enough to call my son & say how proud of him if he has beaten his addiction. Afraid I'll tell him how pathetic I've become. I don't take any meds, or drink, etc. Long time recovering Catholic. Extreme guilt. Sorry so long. Not sre why my girlfriend still wants me here. Wish I could leave her the money I have. Pray ea. night to pass naturally, know you're not supposed to be that way, gutless.. Hope I haven't made anyone feel worse. I admire all of you helping others. . I don't help anyone. Been too embarrassed to even tell all of you of my pathetic life here. Thanks