My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dealing with my own racism in a particular sense

sarahsweets · Nov 13, 2020 at 02:53 AM

Hey @misterdonut

I will be as sensitive as I can and please note if I disagree with you or bring something up it is not me thinking you are a bad person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by misterdonut

I still have trepidation about broaching the topic, so I hope everyone's as gentle as I would expect. By and large, I'm very not-racist, though I know by the newer definitions coming out of the woke movement, they would disagree, but I'm going with the conventional definition.

Can you share what you think the definition might be? It would help me to see where you are coming from and give me context.

Quote:

Many years went by, I was older, the youthful innocence and acceptance waned and I was still single, I had (and still have) a hard time meeting women and keeping a relationship going for very long. I live in a university town and I work in the campus area, so I started noticing a lot of very attractive white women walking clearly as part of a couple with a black man, I saw it every day and it started to bother me. It bothered me, and I know there are some boundary issues and irrationality here (a lot of our motives come from irrational and emotional places), but it bothered me that she would choose to be with him instead of me (yes I know, she may have never been attracted to me personally), but the kicker was that I would think about the economics of it all. To me there was a clear imbalance in how many white women dated black men, versus how many white men who I saw with women of color, any color or race other than white, and so there was an issue for me of competition for the same desired type of woman.

What do you mean by the economics? Can you share?

Quote:

Oh yeah, I think the factor that started to turn my discomfort from dislike to hate and anger was that I was starting to see women on the dating personals online, who I was attracted to and they would write in their profile: "I only date black men." or "Once you go black, you don't go back." etc. Which just pours a bag of salt on the wound and maybe stabs it a few more times. It's the absolutely slam-the-door rejection. Actually I've seen once or twice another type, that made me angry as well, about circumcision!! LOL My race and what my parents had done to me when I was a baby aren't things I can change at all, so it's kind of maddening.

At least they posted it on their profile. I suppose it could be considered like people that like blondes most. Or a Jewish girl who only wants to date Jewish men. Or black women that only want to date black men. Its preference and comfort level.

Quote:

Oh and I've tried to raise this difficulty of mine elsewhere in the past and I received no sympathy, in fact I was jeered, people told me to "just date women of color"... well I've dated women of color, I think some are very attractive, but I've learned about myself that no woman gives me the feeling of complete attraction like a white woman does, I think it just has to do with childhood imprinting, what triggers oxytocin release, etc

I think its ok to have preferences.

Quote:

So anyway, I hope that I'm in a place where I can trust where I can find non-judgmental consideration and support for me with this problem, unwanted "advice" related to examples I've mentioned, particularly because I know it's a very real problem and I want to get over it. I have some good ideas about what I need to do, but I thought I'd come here for support and maybe some insight. Thank you.

I hope I have demonstrated support and validation to you.