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Sunrise said:
I think he believes I really feel this stuff somewhere inside.

I am somehow just not normal and don't anger in response to events that would make most other people angry.

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Does he think this is related to your past trauma? My T asked me one time if I was angry at my parents or childhood abusers. I said, "No not really. I didn't really talk much to my parents so they didn't know and as for the abuser, they came from screwed up homes so it probably wasn't there fault they were predictors." Later in that session she put one of my children in my place and I responded with outrage. She made a simple comment at the end of the session, 'it is interesting that you responded with outrage when thinking of it happening to someone else but not when you remember it happening to you.'

Do you really think you are not angry when your husband say the things he says? Or do you think you have just accommodated to it? Or maybe have some how swapped the "normal" angry feelings with being anxious feelings?

As for your question.. did I ask my T, "Did you not hear me say four times last session that I was angry?" No, I didn't ask her this question. After that session I replayed the dialog over and over in my head and realized that she had heard me, she was just trying to make a point. I had sat on the ugly couch and said I was angry, but showed no outward signs consistent with actually being angry. For me even when I actually acknowledge feeling something, I tend not to allow myself to express it. I guess part of getting others you understand that you are angry and that you have an unmet need may take more than just saying, "I'm angry."

When I see or hear about people punching pillows as part of therapy, I don't really get it. To me it is like you are being encouraged to throw a temper tantrum. One of the problems I had as an ADHD child was a tendency to behave violently and impulsively when angry. My parents dealt with this situation swiftly and decisively. They did not tolerate angry outbursts from the wild child!