How you feel is so understandable. This is grief. Your home base person left you and is gone. That is even physically painful. Give this, what you're going through and are going to go through, time, and lots if it, and kindness to yourself, too. Right now you need to self soothe in healthy ways (some ideas: warm bath, cozy blankets, animals, music) and and be around others even if just on zoom. You will get through this. Just give yourself lots of time and lots of kindness.