want to write to you but no idea what to say. so far all the internal chaos has shutdown. I wonder if my urge to write you is from me the adult part or an urge from my internal world just to reassure that your still there. and then I think its definately from them as its part of the attachment theory, that when a caregiver is out of sight the child will look for reassurance. Cant believe I emailed you something saying just this. Wish I would not act so impulsive. did not want to send it.