I don't think it's cool that I continually have doubts about graduate school, even when I'm about to start writing my thesis. Yikes. This is not too fun. I don't really know what to do other than just keep plugging along. It's not like I really wanted a MA degree in the first place. My true passion is writing fiction, and nobody validates that in real life. I wish someone could put together all of the thoughts I've had in the past and determine what I should do. I've always had serious doubts about school in general. I guess I could quit. School is not something that has come easily for me. Through psychosis and depression and whatever else, school has never been good to me. It's always unforgiving and demanding. That's why I always want to quit. If that could just penetrate the skulls of anyone I talk to, perhaps they would understand what I'm going through. People point to the concrete achievements I've had in my life. I don't particularly care about those. It took a lot of effort to graduate high school. I feel like I don't fit in at school. I never fit in. It's still this same stupid dynamic. I have had to put forth so much effort to keep this train going. Maybe if I were a doctor and already had an MD degree or something, then I could do life the "correct" way. But if I quit, then people will say "oh, you didn't finish your MA. Why?" I want to just tell them no reason at all. Why should I have to justify this stuff? I am weird no matter what. You can't get me without weird. Anyway, I don't know what the point of this is, other than complaining.