This is an interesting thread. I check approximately half of that list with my mother, and I think I may be or perceived as guilty of 1-2 of those as a mother. Most of those statements are half true for my mother and me.

We all respond to things differently. I quickly learned to fly under the radar to avoid getting too controlled. I have a big fight/flight response to bad treatment.

With compassion, I want to address that although the dysfunctional relationships have spanned generations (who knows how many?), the people had real hardships and that is why the chain continued. Yes, bad ways can be changed and the cycle can improve. We now see these toxic behaviors spelled out for us in black and white and it is now easier to change, whether by maintaining some or no contact.

I also commiserated with my sisters, when it started to occur to me, in more recent years that something may be wrong with Mom, and asking them if they experienced the same and was it abuse? But, I warn you about confiding, because it backfired on me big time. I had so hoped my sisters would stand up to our mother with me, but one turned on me and the other remains very distant from our mother who has even more conflict between her and Mom, so certainly didn’t go to bat for me. However, I totally, always had their backs and would confront Mom to stop abusing them when it would occur. I’m not saying I’m a victim. I just had idealistic expectations and had to reframe that those ‘close’ people don’t think as much of me as I did of them.