I used to be very close to my sister when we were younger but in last couple of decades (I am 48 she is 46) she changed a lot. I feel like I don't know her or understand her anymore. She is beautiful, smart, young looking woman but extremely insecure for some reason. When someone is sick she can be very pushy in giving often unwanted or not asked help, she is so determined that she needs to help no matter what you say or do. A lot of times, it doesn't end well or sometimes it does but still with some bad consequences. Sometimes she seems to desperate to help when someone is sick she will go overboard and can be tiresome. That is why I never ask her for help. That and also the thing that she will mention that over and over again later. She will also help with other stuff, bring food if you need it (cooked by her, she is great in cooking), medicine, everything. She always tries to be very helpful even if you don't ask her. On family holidays I would bring like juices and cookies I bought, she would bring whole great meals and salads and everything. If you are sick she would somehow find the way to get you to all tests possible.
What bothers me is that she will help you if you are sick but she never calls me just to chat, she is never there just to have fun, like we used to once long time ago. She is always super serious and calls me only when someone is very sick, dying or died. That is why I literally panic when I see that she is calling me.
On the other hand when she needs something she doesn't ask, she demands. If you are not sure you can help or you think it's too much, she demands, orders you, screams, brings out whenever she helped anyone ever, and even threatens (like "that one will die if you don't do that for me", because well there is always a connection). For example, she once wanted me to take bank loan for them to buy a car. I said I don't feel comfortable as I don't know if I can keep my job to pay rates and I think they should buy their own car. That resulted in anger and threats that our parents will die if they can't visit them often by car. I felt extremely uncomfortable by that.
And that always happens. She demands, orders, then threatens, finally cries and mentions what she did for everyone ever. It's got to the point I am avoiding her and dread her calls. She is very pessimistic and sees everything very dark. I am suffering from depression and anxiety for decades and I am struggling for long time to stay positive and not to panic and to bring joy at least if I can not help. I am exhausted. I had times when I was so done with everything, I wanted to give up. I live in horrible country and I can't even leave now. I am so tired. I am single mom. I want to help but if I can't I just try to make people feel better at least. But with her it doesn't work. Once she was hysterical and crying because she felt "useless" again and I talked to her for hours to make her feel better and to calm down.
But when I feel bad she just tells me to "stop overreacting" and apparently I am "boring".
She sometimes demands huge favors and when I try to reason how much I can do, she screams, cries, threatens that if I don't do something horrible things will happen. If I do not say I will do everything she asks, a lot of times, she just does it herself. But I know I will hear about it later. A lot. I don't understand her. She is upsetting me. I can't even talk to her, I am shaking after every talk to her, I feel traumatized, and I can't talk like that. How do you speak to someone like that?