Hi,

I am not sure how to phrase this. I have SH on and off for years. A lot of it I do it cause of anger at myself or others and not sure how to show it. (Trigger)I have also used it as a way instead of hurting others. If that makes sense? I almost get a like compulsion to want to physically hurt someone when I am pissed off. I can feel it inside. And I never show anger to anyone. And I recognize that I could do that one day. I have never physically hurt anyone ever.

Like if I don’t hurt myself at times I could hurt someone else but not mean to do it. I don’t want to hurt anyone else but I hurt myself instead in any way. I didn’t get mad often growing up, but when I did, I would break things or tear things down, and try to stop myself but I literally wouldn’t be able to stop. When I have SH before in the past it got like that. I would be SH and want to stop but I couldn’t and would keep going till I lost count.