Hi,

I didn’t start dating till I was out of high school. When I was in school I had some crushes on different people but never pursued any of them. Anyway, I have difficulty forming relationships. I have dated four people so far in my life.
They all lasted about the same time not going past four months. I am not a happy person, I put on a show that I am happy. Anyway, those relationships I hadn’t weren’t awful, but I always felt awkward in them, and uncomfortable, and stress me out.
I would hide it well cause they always believed I was happy with them. In fact, all those relationships, I didn’t want to be in. Most of the time the other person liked me. And I only saw them all as friends, and I would tell all of them that repeatedly.

Anyway all those relationships I was in over the years, I broke up, with the other person. And I know that I would break up with them at some point. Inside I knew and could feel it. None of them ever broke up with me. I could never connect to any of them emotionally, and any physical affection like kissing or hand holding, either in private or in public made me uncomfortable.
Only, one of my relationships, went way beyond that. And even that time, I didn’t really, feel any emotional connection. I have never been in love. I don’t know what that is like.
Anyone else ever date someone they really didn’t want to date?

I know no one on here can diagnose. I felt like these relationships were “a chore” a lot of the time. And like a “a chore” where we had to talk each day.
How do you form relationships with people? Be it dating or just friends?