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Gomezaddams51
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Member Since: Apr 2020
Location: Las Vegas NV
Posts: 6
3 yr Member
Unhappy Nov 17, 2020 at 05:19 PM
 
I am definitely a misfit. All my life I have felt like I was on the outside looking in at people living their lives and having a good time. I can feel lonely in a crowded room. I have been through several therapists and shrinks. I have been diagnosed as Schizoid, Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Dystymic Depression, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Asperger, just to name a few. So I am definitely a misfit since no one can figure out what I am.

For the last few months I have been feeling depressed about getting old. My birthday is coming up and I will be 70. I look at all the young people, especially the young women and realize that at my age I will never ever have a relationship with them. One another forum I wrote about this and was told I would just have to have relationships with women my age.


Good idea but there is a problem. Back when I was 42 I met a 19 year old Bi Goth Witch and she got me into the Goth Scene, and into Pagan religions and current music. She about killed me trying to keep up with her, but ever since, I find that women my age are sticks in the mud. They are stuck in the 60's and early 70's and would rather die than go to a Goth Club. And since I am into Goth Music, Folk Metal, Death Metal Viking metal and pretty much everything but most Rap although there were a few Rap artists I like finding a woman my age with my taste in music and lifestyle is impossible.

Plus most women my age are my age. Old, wrinkled, and most women my age are fat and stuck in their ways. I miss the young adventurous girls I used to have relationships with. They were pretty much open to try everything and anything.

But that is all over now and has been for the last 10 years. Back in the middle 2000's I finally bit the bullet and met a woman online, she was 5 years younger than me. I was 60 at the time and she was 55. She was not the typical woman I would have wanted but I figured I would stick it out. The biggest thing about her she wasn't fat. She had a fair figure. Not particularly pretty but OK. We got married so she could have health insurance. Our sex life was good, up until I got sick and ended up with ED which totally blew our sex life.


We talked it over and she told me that she was actually tired of sex and just put up with it for me. She told me she started having sex at 14 and by 18 had over 50 different partners and by the time she got with me she had close to 200. She figured settling down with one guy would give her a break. So...that sucks.

Anyway so here I am now, with no sex, looking at all the sweet young things and wishing.... So that is what my depression is about...mostly....
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