Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks
I don't know. I'm an older person now. But many years ago, I was bullied incessantly verbally, emotionally and physically for 4 years by a gang of older boys one of whom beat me up breaking my nose in the process. (In the end I got blamed for it.) 
When I consider what you propose, what occurs to me is that something such as this has the potential to simply open a can of worms, so to speak, without really accomplishing anything. Is this really going to make you feel better about what this person did to you? Is there a possibility that, after you do it, you'll feel a sense of satisfaction for a short while, but then you'll start itching to do just a little bit more... and then a little bit more? In other words, is this just a first step down a slippery slope? 
Believe me I know how you feel about having been bullied. And the fact this person is now a counselor does make it all seem just that much more hurtful I would imagine. (I have no idea whatever happened to any of my bullies. To be quite honest, I hope they all died... young!) But I don't know if what you're thinking of doing really serves any useful purpose. I see you're going to be talking with your therapist about it. And I think that's a good plan. My own opinion, for what it's worth, would be to forget trying to do something to get back at your bully & focus on healing that part of you the bullying damaged so you can (hopefully) let go of what happened to you & move forward with your life. I do understand what you wrote about the pandemic situation bringing up painful memories. This is something I'm struggling with as well. My best wishes to you...   |
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Skeezyks
Thank you. This is excellent advice and I think that, while I would likely not keep ding more and more, there was a reason why I asked this question here. You asked "would this actually make you feel better?" I think that's what I was wondering too. And the truth is, I don't know.
I take these words you've written to heart, you knowledgeable elder, you. Also I think, that if someone's been through something like that (and I am sorry that you have) and is saying this advice to me, you are very much onto something.
I will talk to my therapist. Honestly, when I'm feeling good, and better, I don't think about getting back at my bullies. But I do think it's worth it to explore in therapy and to process and integrate what happened.
Whenever these things come up lately, I think I know what I need: I need to be there for myself in some way that I am not currently there for myself. I need to be KIND to myself. I am often...when these thoughts come up...blindsided by them. And I get completely absorbed and tangled in them.
I used to meditate. I have been thinking that I need to come back to that.
But I also...
something needs to be resolved. I can feel it. If even just knowing that I am safe and validating myself.
I think part of why this comes up, and the me wanting to confront this person, is because I was not validated in the past and I felt powerless. Somehow, I know there is empowerment for me, somewhere in these painful memories.
Anyway, I went on a little tangent there. Thank you Skeezyks.