Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
This stood out to me. It's very likely a "cause and effect" that too many crappy things have happened and they're tired of hearing it.
I've known people like this. Conversations with them can be emotionally draining and they often don't see or understand how they could have prevented some of it. Sometimes it's really about making poor choices for oneself to the point they're forevee in this "poor me" state.
People want to be surrounded by positive and fun people. If we have long standing friends (from high school) it's hard to cut off those friendships, even if it's no longer serving a function. Some people simply can't cut people out.. so they carry on, making surface conversations and not investing in much more.
So, you're 50 years old. You've had a hard life (I'm assuming) and feel disconnected from the world. That's a tough place to be, and I can surely relate.
So what can you do? Appreciate the friendships that are worthy enough for you and cut out those who no longer seem like they have any interest in your life. I'd also take ownership to some of this, as a way to reflect and repair relationships, this day forward.
We can't change what's already happened. We can't also expect our friends to be our therapists, either. Find the balance.
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Ironically I deal with things 99% of the time by making jokes about them. I am happy & upbeat. I sing in the car and strike up conversations with strangers. I am well liked by people who don't know me, lol. Everyone in town sees me coming and smiles and waves from cashiers/clerks to librarians etc. I laugh to stay sane, lol - finding happiness in life has been my goal since I was a kid. "What's the silver lining" was like my mantra. I've been chastised by previous therapists for wearing rose-colored-glasses and being too optimistic. (Which I felt was unfair bc everyone has a coping mechanism and I think that mine is less destructive than most, lol)
When something crappy happens I don't dwell on it, or want to chew on it for weeks. And these same friends I've known since high school don't know 1/10 of the stuff that's happened to me, lol. I only share stuff that a reasonable person could be expected to grasp. No one but my therapist knows my 1st husband tried to kill me when I was pregnant, etc. But my friends from high school know my mom hated me, bc they saw it every day. & they knew I got divorced when I was pregnant, and had no help or support. They just didn't know about the stalking and constant threats for years afterward. And so on. I don't go to my friends over every horrid thing that happens to me, and have never done so. We'd have nothing else to talk about, lol! I enjoy talking to people about other things - I listen to their lives, we talk about current events, and pets, and the weather, and as long as we're talking about them, or something we have in common, it's fine - we talk and laugh and have an enjoyable time. And that's the vast majority of our conversations. But if it's about me, there's simply no conversation.
