Hi to start my story I’ve never opened up to anyone in my life, I will keep it short though, I have been in 3 families, I watched my real mum die and my dad descend before the inevitable.

After this I was also in a religious cult which just changed me. I‘ve left it now, however after all this I’ve been in therapy, understandably, and I was misdiagnosed as being positive and cognitively schizophrenic, I was in a dark place and believe I went through psychosis or something?

Now however I secretly love myself and my body and I can charm, steal and lie to get anything, however I know deep down I’m very insecure, I CANNOT let go of criticism and I have this front in my head of being in love with me while I still hate myself and pretend to be humbly insecure.

Because of this I was then diagnosed as a sociopath, which I could believe but I go through months of no feeling without drink or drugs and then occasionally alone I fold and let go but no one knows, I just cry and think about things I’ve seen.

So if I have these secret emotions and I’m not schizophrenic and I feel real love even if a bit sadistic for my girlfriend, then what am I? If anything?

Sorry it’s very Long, and not sure where to post this.