As an adult, I look at my younger 20-something self and can't help it but being angry because my family has been so disfunctional

It's not truly anger (I love my family and Missing my lost father) I must say
but damn, i keep saying: "If I could observe myself from an external point of view, i would have done something more"
It was so obvious that I was depressed and problematic in my early twenties and couldnt take care of my life
They've been so lost and childish themselves even of they bad a regular life
I hate that even the psycotherapy that I did around 2013-2014 couldnt help me enough to dig more about what happened
My life is lost, I've done sooo incredibly bad and been a bad person.
I'm so sad that I could not realize important things before
Some people that I treated poorly in my younger years even died without getting some excuses or closures.
I never graduated.
I have been in bed and time flew

My sister look like a monster to me. I can't believe she ignored me so much
Her life and been okay, but she lacks in empathy so much. Damn

I know this is a classic; but i did help younger people in my life
Older people didn't do it with me