The more I talk to Dr. T about H, the more I realize how badly ex-MC did with our marriage counseling. Like talking about some ways H has been harsh or disrespectful to me or D lately and Dr. T saying how he’d approach it if we were seeing him for marriage counseling. Hint: He would not have chalked things up to me being too sensitive and acted like everything is fine because H and I are still married so it didn’t threaten the relationship. More like saying to H “How would you feel if this were videotaped and posted to FB for everyone to see? How do you think they’d react to it?”

It meant a lot to have Dr. T say I never deserve to be spoken to in certain ways, even if I am being really annoying (that last part was my phrase). Something about his being a male authority figure likely makes it carry more weight than, say, a friend saying it. And as much as authority figure stuff can be a negative thing, maybe it’s exactly what I needed to hear from the type of person I needed to hear it from...

And we are talking about ways I can talk to H about it, including calling him out in an assertive way when it happens and what holds me back from doing that, from saying I deserve respect. And I said maybe it’s that I don’t feel I deserve respect (don’t respect myself?). So that’s something we’re going to delve into more in a future session