You're not a failure @Diurnal . It's really hard to deal with misfortune and discouragement. It's easy to get beaten down and all you can do is take stock, recalibrate and recover. What do you do on the computer? It's good that you are doing something, getting your own shopping, and reaching out here.
Are you getting any help dealing with these painful feelings? It sounds like you have been really discouraged, so it's too painful to try again for fear of not succeeding.
Is there anyone in your life that gives you hope and encouragement?