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seesaw
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Default Nov 21, 2020 at 05:12 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
seesaw, I read what you shared and I think you are doing a good job with your nephew and I agree that his parents punishing him will only make things worse. I saw my parents do that with my older brother and it NEVER helped and only made him worse.


YES, individuals with ADHD can be extra challenged when it comes to learning how to control their anger. Actually, Yale has been studying children and what causes them to have temper tantrums and how to better address it instead ot punishing. They explained that temper tantrums occur when there is an overload in the amygdala and the child genuinely doesn't know what to do and has a tantrum. So, instead of punishing them the advice is to give them time to calm down and then NOTICE they are making that effort and praise them for it. Taking away things he may already use to help calm him down is also not the answer.


The way you handled your nephew is much healthier because you LISTENED and you can tell how everything going on in his environment is stressing him. When someone has ADHD, they have very busy minds and they like MOTION so being home bound and tossed back and forth from one angry parent to the other is going to definitely aggrivate him and if he has no MOTION, he will have a hard time with the frustration he is experiencing.


I think that when you do talk to your brother, it's better to focus on how his son is struggling, why with his ADHD he can have a harder time controlling his stress and how to give him space instead of punishing him can help him rather than punishing him that is only going to cause MORE limit to him in his effort to manage his challenge with frustration that comes out in anger.


It's very hard to handle this kind of challenge seesaw for someone with ptsd AND a history of dealing with abuse that typically contains anger being thrown at him. It's possible his son triggers him and instead of stepping back, your brother feels anger and loses patience. From what I have noticed by observing my husband who has bad ADHD is they tend to ABSORB. So that means with the ongoing dysfunction your brother is having with his wife, your nephew is listening and ABSORBING. And at his age he doesn't have the coping skills to understand how to navigate with this ongoing problem between his parents. If your brother isn't careful, your nephew may end up using alcohol and that's the last thing your brother wants to happen. I have seen so many that have ADHD in those AA rooms including my husband. All the alcohol does is make things worse and prohibits emotional maturity.


And YES, the wrong medication can make it worse and if he is cutting, that's a red flag that he is probably on the wrong medication and more is not better, and often it can make things even worse.


I do think it's a good idea that your nephew be able to stay with you here and there. Can you take that on?? It's a big responsiblity.
Thanks, Open Eyes. I am aware of the studies you mention, and the funny thing is that from a recovery model (versus treatment model) my response to them is, well duh!

My best friend and my stepfather as well as stepbrother have ADHD. I've come to really understand ways to support people with ADHD (and it's no cookie cutter approach but there are some sort of techniques that ring true. I also have seen with many individuals that medication sometimes does and sometimes doesn't help. And there's also a lot of controversy over medicating minors. And I certainly know, probably more than his parents, that pdocs and Ts aren't always up on the latest evidence based treatment.

But regardless, I feel the adhd is too much the focus because most of what I saw was bad regardless of any Dx.

My best friend who struggled with this growing up asked if he has an IEP, and I didn't even remember to ask that. It's really weird because my brother and SIL have always acted like they think they are these really progressive parents, but IMO they are actually acting really backwards.

It's not my job to figure out the best medication for him but to advocate for him so he can thrive. As his aunt and as the stand I am for patients as a patient advocate.

The one thing we talked about too was recognizing when he's angry and then removing himself so he can calm down or use coping methods. We still have to talk to his dad about understanding that my nephew is going to ask to remove himself when he starts feeling his anger triggered so he can de-escalate and just remove from the excess stimulation.

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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