Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
So I’m struggling right now so I’m not the best to ask. I wax and wane between accepting and not. I’ve suspected that I’ve had this for about 24 years. Thank-you middle school health class. The first time I was officially dx’d my son was 3 so 15 years ago. I have trouble accepting I can’t work, and without my husband would need assistance to survive. I recently realized I know no one outside my family. I am smart, funny, and ultra kind and forgiving. I don’t think I would be as forgiving without this disorder. My son was raised with acceptance and unconditional love that most people dream of. My therapist says this dr will stabilize me but I have yet to have a long period stable….ever. My son has the knowledge that he will be loved and can’t disappoint us as long as he’s happy and working towards health. Which free’s him up to follow his dreams. I’m working towards being healthy. My life has stabilized even though I still have mood/psychosis issues. I understand H more and he understands me more. So we have a stronger relationship than when we first met. This disorder made us slow our lives down and appreciate the small victories. I can’t have a house, nice car, new things, credit card, cable, or most things others have. I have to live by keeping it simple but what I do have I cherish. I live like the world’s going to crumble any second because for me it can. I don’t know any different and I’m okay with it.
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That’s so amazing that your marriage got stronger and your husband supports you!! I wish I could say that happened with me. During my mania I kicked my husband out of the house. He got an apartment and now that I’m trying to make it work with him, he won’t move back to the house. Everything changed. He puts himself first now and wants to live in an apartment long term. It’s so complicated. I stay with him during the week, but I still have my house. I’m torn between selling it or staying separated and keeping it. The main reason I want to stay with him is because I can’t stand thinking I won’t have my little girl every day. She’s only 2 and the main reason I wake up each day and do anything. She keeps me moving when I don’t want to.
24 years is a long time and you not accepting it all the way doesn’t make me feel any better but it helps me know that this is just a freaking hard illness to deal with. It takes a lot of support for sure.
It sounds like you have an amazing son too!! I also have a 21 year old daughter. I’m hoping I can give my 2 year old as much love and attention that I was able to give my 21 year old. I feel like I’ve failed her coming down with this, but it brings me hope that I can still be a good mom to her. She’s my world right now.
I wish I could keep things more simple, maybe one day. For now I am still living my life like I did before my diagnosis because I have to, not because I want to. I keep hoping one day I will feel normal....