Wow I see you are in Scotland. I bet it’s beautiful there. I’m in Texas and nothing pretty to look at in the city. My daughter and I just looked at the stars and the moon... only about 3 stars were visible.

Thank you for your response. I’m sorry you are still struggling even after 10 years. Do you have someone you can talk to when you feel suicidal? Have you ever attempted or made a plan? I’ve only been battling with this for 5 months. At least that’s when the depression hit. I didn’t realize I was in a mania or hypomania. Even after I was hospitalized I thought it was a midlife crisis, not bipolar. It wasn’t until I went down that I had to admit I had the illness, but it’s just so hard to accept. I don’t want it. I wish I could give it back. I think the pandemic was my trigger... I wonder if it never happened would I be normal again? Or was it just inevitable... so I don’t know if I will ever feel like accepting this fate... I try not to believe I have it and try hard to live like I don’t but when I have no motivation to get off the couch or cook it clean, I get reminded. I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts but I have thought that it would be ok if I died. I hate having that thought because my little girl needs me...

That’s what I’ve seen is that everyone is different. It’s why it’s so hard to figure out which medicine works for each person... i don’t know what will eventually work for me... just trying to take one day at a time...