I'm in the midst of a bad depression. Its now 6:45pm on Sun and I am just showered. Its took me 30 mins to shower grrr. I feel like a pile of (insert word here). I have spend the weekend masking it all.

My Mum wanted her Christmas decorations up so my Sister and I did the whole house decorations yesterday. Looks awfy bonnie but why am I not happy. I was the quiz master for the family quiz last night. I started the festivities off by having 25 questions on general knowledge and 25 on Christmas. Everyone loved my quiz it took me days to get questions. I had my Santa hat on too and I sang a few of the songs I needed to sing.

Still feel miserable!

Today I bought my Mum a gift she wants, slept 2.5 hours, picked at my dinner never ate it and feel miserable. I could cry tbh!

I wish I never had depression as I can't take an anti-depressant as they send me high so as always I have to ride it out. Which is so hard. I'm feeling slightly you know suicidal. But I'm hoping it will pass.

I am not technically medicated.... long story.... I received a depot injection on Thurs but it was for an anti-psychotic I'm not on anything else bar the injection and oral (oral I take until 10th Dec then thats it)....

Just feel so miserable and need to cry!!