Sorry Woven, I meant the challenge of Bursitus. But also the challenge of how someone else's lack of sensitivity can contribute to feeling old or trigger other feelings of someone else being cold or mean that was hurtful.

I did not mean to come across as insensitive. Thanks for pointing that out so I could respond. I was thinking back on things I experienced myself where the doctor was insensitive. And I had challenges even when my weight was not the problem at all. Actually, for me it wasn't just doctors but also therapists and even psychiatrists and actually many situations in my past where I came across someone who was cold and insensitive towards me that hurt me and I did not deserve to be treated that way. And this person was always on their own time schedule and I was just a thing that person had to address instead of a feeling human being.

I am sorry I did not give you a more comforting response. However, as you know I am not at my best due to this week of dealing with my husband who got blood poisening and instead of his small wound getting better it got worse and he could have died. I was scared and was also triggered and then as soon as he responded to treatment in a positive way he wanted me to drop everything and quick get there to get him when I was told that would not happen until Sunday. And then I had to deal with an angry impatient husband that expected HIS needs to come first and how I felt did not matter. To be honest THAT was a trigger and I was already exhausted from all the stress and worry I experienced.

As a result, my response to you was wanting to acknowledge you, but, I was tired. I too had too many challenges all at once last week and was also reduced to tears. I was not ready to do this "hurry up quick" as I was sitting here in my chair crying. About the best I could do was my response about how the crying can be a result of several emotions and feeling overwhelmed. And what I have come to realize is for some reason when I get triggered a certain way, many past experiences come forward from other times in my life where someone else's behaviors "hurt" me. That's probably why you remembered that person who bullied you and you had the urge to say something to that person. I have had that same kind of experience and it was something I had not consciously thought about in many years. To top it off the fact that person became a therapist makes it more challenging in that it means that person has power that can bring on other feelings because that person had been very cold and insensitive and SELFISH.

There can be this strong desire to finally say something. I get it because I myself have experienced that kind of urge. It's an effort to finally try to overcome how that person left you with this memory that can affect you even years later. An effort to have that presence in front of you so you can finally tell them how their behavior was selfish which is what you actually did when you contacted your doctor to tell your doctor how cold and insensitive this other doctor was towards you. It's a form of "self validation" which is something that was missing in the past. Almost like with this Bully, "I saw your name and picture and all I remember about YOU is that you were a mean selfish bully that picked on me". And even, "Can't picture you as a therapist and healer considering how it pleasured you to bully me". It's almost as though this deep desire is more about getting to hand that other person back the pain they handed you right?

The problem with that is that it can bring about this thing in you called "cognitive dissonance". And the reason for that is because YOU are not the type of person that desires to bully and hurt others. You have too much sensitivity in you to behave like that.

Actually, I posted a video where a man described a bell curve where he explained at the top is average individuals that manage to go along with others and then on one side of the curve are individuals who express increasing amounts of narcissism that can be colder and more and more selfish and insensitive the further down the curve you go. Then there is the other side of "sensitives" that he calls empaths that also get more sensitive and empathetic the further down the curve you go too. He explained how the problem with this side of the curve is that these sensitive individuals do have a gift but no one ever taught them how to use it and understand it so as a result often they suffer not realizing how their sensitivity isn't a weakness or bad.

On the narcissistic side the individual is more about self and if they weep, it's always for self and not truely for others. They do not look inward to self but instead blame others because what they really want is all for "self". This side is always in need of satisfying their own ego and the only truth that matters is their truth. They change the story to reflect their truth and how they need reality to be. They cognitively distort according to their own needs and the more one goes down that curve the worse this individual gets. They tend to prefer to collect codependents who will focus on their needs for their own ego. And when things go wrong it's always someone elses fault.

That is very different from cognitive dissonance where a person is sensitive to how others feel. And sometimes so sensitive they choose to distance because it can actually "hurt too much". And they don't want to hurt others or use others which is often why selfish behaviors can affect them so much.

This is what therapists including my current therapist has been trying to explain to me about how I am and have called me an empath. It's not about having "special powers" instead it can actually be painful. And when I watched that video it finally made more sense to me. The empath can see a great deal of gray and are more sensitive than those who tend to look at things in a more black and white way. The hard part is being able to put that sensitivity into words and when putting out that effort facing a black and white thinker stepping right in and criticizing because they need to see things THEIR WAY. They simply do not have the same emotional depth and sensitivity.

So anyway, I am sorry if my response to you came across as insensitive. I am tired and my reply was reflecting my own exhaustion.