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Old Nov 22, 2020, 09:53 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I think that my husband might have very high functioning AS (aspergers spectrum) or maybe not. He gets overwhelmed by ''too much'' verbal input, that is the main symptom. He does have empathy and comes across as ''normal'' unless he is very tired so maybe he does not have this.

I think there is a lot of misinformation around about this? A couple of good friends of mine who have this dx do have empathy and are intelligent and understanding.

And no, I am not ''too needy''.... I am respectful and understanding of other peoples boundaries, quite an ''achievement'' as my parental units, aunts, step maternal unit are malignant Narcissists or sociopaths. I am well able to understand the ''literature'' to back up my opinion. I have a degree in English and science A levels.

My husband, papa bear does not wish to engage the ''services'' in this country. He is high functioning and happy with who he is. If anyone is the ''problem'' it is, naturally, me And all the family have constantly confirmed that... It is none of their freakin business. It's quite an ''achievement'' having a cub and not understanding them at all or caring

He just said '' (edited) ''..

A relative informed me that ''all men are the same'' and are not able to talk at all when performing an activity such as cooking. Or any activity (even something very easy). I suppose I Should Always Defer To The Experts ... (aka Them and not Me... even though I know Papa bear far better than any other relative. I hope I do. Some people are so freakin dense. Or something.

Papa bear enjoys talking to me far more than he enjoys talking to anyone else. In fact he rarely talks to others except on business....

He disagrees with the FOO (family of origin) who informed me that I am ''boring and selfish, and was boring as a baby too...''

I am an empath so I am unsure why the FOO labelled me as ''selfish''

I respectfully request no posts about the current global sitatuation or alluding to that I also respectfully request only supportive replies. I just had these thoughts and wanted to put them out somewhere. What usually happens is thoughts spin around in my head. Putting them on paper can be helpful even if nobody reads it.

I also know that I am not a ''shameful being'' and there is no ''shame'' in being more open than I sometimes am. The FOO would not like it that I do not own that Toxic Shame they tried to force on me. (for ''ruining'' my mother's life... naturally the Parental Units serial affairs, serial lies, verbal abuse, double life... Sociopathic disorder did not harm her at all... only that terrible bear she was unlucky enough to give birth to (with forceps)

(I respectfully ask that there are no replies saying something like ''lets have a competition to see who has the worst parents''

I am trying to heal and I also try to forgive... I do not believe that forgiveness can be forced though..)

I am now having to leave this post before I had finished it. I do not have time to trim away the messy bits grr,

Fuzzybear, I appreciate and want to applaud you for being very specific about your needs in this post. I would never compare whose FOO is worse because when it comes down to it: for those of us in these situations - they all sucked. They all are their own version of hell, and it's your own hell, there's no comparison to be made. My hell is different from your hell, but it's our hell all the same. (Hugs)

If I can offer any advice dealing with the husband, because I'm dealing sort of with a similar situation with family, it would be to ask the conversation to be about how the two of you communicate with each other, and your needs from each other, and not comparisons to the outside world or generalities, because those comparisons don't help you two communicate. In practice that would be redirecting the conversation to "Let's focus on us, not on what others say, okay?"

I'm sorry your FOO keeps crushing you down. You are smart, creative, empathetic, and kind. That's probably why they target you too. Because you are so many things they cannot be. (Hugs again)
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear