Does anybody remember this feeling of fear of abandonment, unspoken or spoken, where abandonment was used by a parent as an instrument to make a child behave or do what it supposed to do?
I remember my father not wanting to speak or give any feedback to me every time he expected me to do what he wanted. I could feel his absence even he was present and it grew and took longer time as I grew older. I remember him switching the victim role with fearful father and even now I have two different conflicting feelings about it - understanding him and buried anger towards him.
Once when I was a kid we watched a movie, and it came one scene.. a man was talking to someone about his "strength" of which he was proud, that he can leave any person for good with no remorse no matter how long he knows that person. But his longtime partner was listening that conversation in shock behind the closed doors.
In that particular moment my father made a suggestion which hit me and left a strong impression. Either he said "See that! That's the strength!" or he said something similar.. but that scene stayed with me still today.
And cause his father was an alcoholic, the abandonment has a long history in my family.
Any thoughts on this topic would be helpful?
Thanks