Hi @Diurnal , I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I don't think your father does have high expectations for you at all. I think your father has very narrow, small, and inappropriate expectations for you to be an obedient child.
Of course that will have set you back, especially when that's enforced with violent words and actions. Everyone has an inner child, and emotional maturity comes from overcoming challenges and understanding how your emotions relate to your own actions.
Struggling with your emotions doesn't make you immature or damaged.
You are VERY strong to have survived a violent childhood, and to be talking about it, and taking care of yourself as well as you do.
This might seem like an odd suggestion, but do you have any pictures of yourself as a child?
You weren't equipped to process the suffering you endured as a child. You were small, and still developing.
Maybe you have compassion for that child that you were? And can see that you have different strengths as an adult?