I can relate. It was from my mum rather than dad, even though my dad drank, and got angry, he was pretty caring. My mum was "nice" when she wanted to be (mostly infront of other adults), even then would use us kids as an excuse to leave ("they've had a long day" or "they're tired"...things like that). We were lumped together or used as examples.
She told me (not my brother and sister) that she was leaving (when I was eight). I was careful around her after that. She didn't leave though. She would lock herself in her room, and just ignore and blame a lot.
I wouldn't say I'm scared of abandonment, but more of the burden of having to guess what the silence is communicating. I didn't know that it wasn't "normal" or "healthy" so ended up with people like that in my life. I fits with NPD with my mum and ex husband. They would both be on my back when I was busy with something, and then magically vanish when I really needed support.
My mum was with my dad for forty years, but pushed him away, then moved out in the weeks after he lost his mum.
My ex did the same thing to me, and worse. Just glad it didn't go on so long.
I'm really glad I have very fond memories of my Granny. Happy memories with my dad too.
It's such a confusing thing, because of all the unspoken communication. It's hard to verbally express the psychology and emotional impact.