I'm feeling pretty stable in my sobriety again, except for my internet use is out of control and I keep buying things and my boyfriend took notice before we went under a stay at home order. I've been trying to cut down on my internet use, now I feel tired. I'm awake for a couple hours of the day and a couple hours of the night, but that's it. I see a medical doctor on the 3rd. My sobriety date from alcohol is 4/19/2014. I've never been here before so I'll give you a history. I know you might not believe in technology addiction and I've been laughed at by "real" addicts before, it's not an official diagnosis, but it causes me problems and I get help for it. I cycle between alcohol and technology throughout my life. I started with playing video games when I was a little girl. It made it so I didn't get homework done and I would lie to teachers about it. If it wasn't video games it was cartoons, my brother told the time by what cartoons I was watching. Soon I moved to the internet, then my boyfriend, he introduced me to alcohol. I didn't drink too much right away, it was still about video games. I got drunk senior year. Then college came around and I got drunk sometimes, but there was someone to watch play video games and talk with. My grades still suffered from this technology addiction. Then I outgrew video games and found the internet. I found out my friend died the same week my grandfather passed away, it was Thanksgiving. My internet had just been hooked up and I stayed inside for hours on the internet and if my boyfriend bothered me, my answer was "WHAT?!" in a nasty tone "I'll get off when I'm ready" but then an hour would pass maybe two and it turned out he had hyper thyroid and he was hungry and needed to eat very badly maybe he even needed medical care. (let's just say I get very irritated when people bothered me on the computer). A year or more passed and I went through all of my trust fund, so I had to get a job. I picked a bar to work at because I was majoring in art and I didn't know where else to go. They offered shift drinks, but the bartenders would sneak drinks past the managers. That wasn't too much, but I found another job where they poured them stiff and I went out after the shift to party. I don't even remember how much I drank but I would frequently black out or pass out on the same person's couch. Sometimes my warm up was a single shot of of alcohol neat, sometimes it was two pint glasses full of hard alcohol with ice (back then I was 24 and 170 lbs, just starting to drink). If I remember right I was trying to prove I was cool or tough, because I had been bullied when I was younger. But people caught on anyway, now I was uncool and a mean drunk. I wanted out. From that point I wanted out, but I felt trapped. Until I had my psychotic break in 2008. Everybody at the hospital said I could continue drinking, but my friends at the bar I worked at said it was time to quit. I tried, it worked for a while. I had mini relapses where I would drink one drink on night, two the next night, then get drunk or something like that. Until finally on 4/19/2014 I had one glass of wine at Passover and just didn't feel interested for 9 months. My mom congratulated me on my sobriety and I decided that felt good so I have been keep track ever since.