Toejam, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a difficult situation to start with and SIL passing may make it more confused.
I am not sure what your partner is thinking about. Maybe they fear being drawn into the confusion or that you may get hurt by SIL's possible reply if they are angry. Are there other family members you could reach out to for a second opinion if you should visit SIL?
I am here if you wish to pm me or tag me on your reply @CANDC
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