I desperately need a listening ear. Im not depressed but I don’t find happiness anymore. I’m a stay at home mom of 2 small kids. I have been married for 5 years. I blindly married a man that now has shown who he really is. A couple of years ago I found that my husband cheated on my 3 times with 3 different women. I was devastated and blind sided as I thought I had the almost perfect marriage. We went to therapy for a while and since the lockdown things have been better as Far as me trusting him. He doesn’t really leave the house. He has turned into a functional alcoholic. I get sick on my stomach every time he grabs a drink (I come from an alcoholic family) he drinks 3-4 drinks daily. He never gets violent or changes behavior when he drinks. He is in complete denial that he is an alcoholic. I’m honestly writing this and I want to pack my things and leave. If it was only that easy... to be very honest I don’t leave because of convenience. I live a really comfortable life. I don’t need to work; I don’t have any money problems at all. I grew up very poor and I wanted to make sure my kids didn’t go through what I went through. My kids are absolutely everything to me. I don’t mind getting a job but the thought of leaving them all day with a nanny or in a school breaks my heart (I know it sounds ridiculous) I LOVE spending all my time with them and being able to do things with them as much as I can. I will be absolutely devastated if I divorced and I have to take the kids to my husband for the weekend. The thought of that really worries me. My husband is not the best father either. His idea of spending time with the kids is doing his thing and the kids following alone. He is always working or at least he says he is. It makes me so sad to see that he doesn’t give them any quality time. I’m not even sure what I’m asking. I’m just really disappointed with the choices I made in life and now I’m here. I think about the future all the time and what I should do. I caught my husband deleting some messages from a female coworker and all what I can think of is planning my exit from this marriage life slowly. I never wanted my kids to have divorced parents and I never wanted to have this messed up marriage. I also have my mother living with us because she can’t go somewhere else. I’m totally responsible for her. It sucks! My husband and I never fight or argue. our marriage has turned into a kind of respectful roommate situation with very boring sex every now and then. I feel pathetic. I want to go to therapy but I don’t want my husband to find out, and I can’t do zoom meetings with a therapist because I have no privacy at home. All the kind people who read this far. Thank you very much! I appreciate you!