Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've been here, I check in every now and then but mostly stay quiet.

I'm here today because on a whim I contacted my old attorney that helped me with the civil lawsuit and mediation/settlement against my former therapist. (For background for those who don't know my story-

His license was revoked permanently. He surrendered his license to practice psychotherapy in leui of a trial with the Board of Psychology in my state. For the lawsuit, there was no litigation and the suit was settled during a mediation.

So one morning I'm thinking about my old attorney that helped me receive my settlement. I emailed her and inquired about all of my psychotherapy notes from my former T as well as all the hospitalizations I endured from age 15 to 23.

To my surprise she responded even though she has since retired from law. She remembered me. And she sent me everything.

These past few days I've binge read all of these documents . Obviously it has been very hard to read these things. But this letter that was written by my psychiatrist for the lawsuit is what sent me into the 'hole'. I'm going to share the letter, edited of names except for my own, which I am fine sharing .

Reading this description of my former therapist and his actions finally resonated inside me that I was targeted, groomed, abused, and taken advantage of. Seeing him described as a highly trained and skilled predator is in major conflict with my memories of him, like the letter states, I was profoundly confused.

I am still confused, but not as much. It has been a long time since this all occurred. But I finally feel this trauma is being healed. And the massive and overwhelming waves of grief are getting less and less.

And I know there is still hope for me.