Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay
As we continue to heal and are increasingly able to accept our abuse (speaking from the point of view of ANP front alters here, who were largely unaware of it all growing up) we are coming up against having to accept all the things we have lost (or should I say - never had).
All the abusive stuff is one thing.
But then there is also all the stuff that there isn't...
There isn't a loving family to fall back on.
There is nobody who has "got my back".
There was never a sense of safety. I still don't know how to feel safe with a human being.
There was never a mom. Never cuddles. Never hugs. Never kindness.
There were no kindred siblings. Only siblings who were abused and also perpetrated abuse.
There was never love.
There was never care.
There was never happiness.
Okay, so its Thanksgiving in the US. I will give thanks for what I did have.
I am thankful for being fed every day throughout my childhood.
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amyjay, great post
for me, the thing I never had was a proper childhood- you know going outside, playing with other kids, playing in a soft play area, being able to run around the garden with a water gun squirting the other kids.. at my age now, it looks weird
I mean their are some things (childhood things) I can do, like for example go on the swings at my local park
but it's weird.. you get weird looks- you're a fully grown woman and you're acting like you're 4
well: maybe that's because I never got to act 4 in the first place even when I was ****ing 4, so yeah.. part of me just says **** it, I do what I want, and part of me's like yeah, well, it is strange. those times have been and gone without me..