You are not the only one to dislike/reject/hate/distain your inner child. And yeah, what that book says about the inner child not showing up or trusting is in alignment with my experience.


I don't know about talking to your inner child twice a day. I don't think I could have in the way the book describes. It wouldn't have felt natural or something. At some point on my journey I noticed how I talked to my inner child had shifted; because I realized that I had already been talk to them. It wasn't that I couldn't or was not talking to them - I simply wasn't kind to them. Instead, I criticized and bullied them.


My inner children felt very separate from myself. And I didn't want them to integrate or merge in with myself (not sure of the right word there). I liked them being separate for lots of reasons that I'm still trying to sort out. I think big part has to do with feeling that if they integrate then I lose what they provide for me. Being able to put on a persona that is not me, has allowed me to get several needs met and survive several different experiences that feels threatening to the inner I (little things such as job interviews and bigger things).


Anyway, some how, starting to talk to them with more compassion actually made them less separate. I don't know the whys or hows - just that it is what seems to have happened for me. I think that maybe part of the process is to let them be "real" for a bit, let them be fully seen and accepted for who they are and what they hold or provide for you. Why do they exist? To be curious about how they help you get through the day and where they might be stumbling blocks towards your goals and relationships. I think that might be how the trust occurs and with the trust comes integration (for lack of a better word). I am not sure, lots of ... "this is how it kind of feels for me" in this post. It might not be how it plays out for you, or it might.


What would be the harm in letting them exist as separate entities when you can manage them and in some way keep a part of the I (or even adult) present and if you are able to do them in a way that you do not trigger the amnesia? Let's say they never integrate, they always stay as a separate part of you - if you are able to create a system where you are aware of all of the experiences they have and you are able to call upon different parts as needed?


My T kind of explained it as - we all have these different parts of ourselves and everyone has their own way of interacting with their parts. For some, it is a seamless flow between states of a singularity. For others, there's more distinction and boundaries around these states, leading to the feelings and experiences of the parts being separate from ourselves (or the I).