Great job on the 9 months. I am sorry you were feeling stressed and anxious and having panic attacks. I'm sorry you relapsed.
How to deal with stress? That's a good question. I like to talk or text with friends who help me sort of calm down. Recently I needed some encouragement and I reached out and asked for some and received it. You never know until you ask!
How to deal with panic? Try to do any grounding techniques you can think of. Can you see 5 things? Can you hear 4 things? Can you feel three things? Can you smell two things? Can you taste 1 thing? Plant your feet firmly on the floor, remind yourself that you are there and you are grounded.
Calming SI alternatives? Really for me it has just been being able to talk to others and open up with them. Just even saying I feel like SI-ing, can you talk with me a bit? Stuff like that.
HUGS Kit