It's not that I really had a choice to tell, the police brought me home. I'm feeling very confused and frustrated on what is childhood memories and what is adult thinking. I thought my memories were true but there is also another aspect of this situation that also questions whether it is memories or adult thinking. I find myself questioning the validity of what are memories and what isn't. Can I trust what I've thought all these years are true memories? Seems they are very much in question now. I thought I could remember this whole thing like it was yesterday. I have flashbacks all the time. But are they true? And then there is the letting go aspect. I've never been good at letting go of anything in my life that has really upset me. Another item for therapy. Why do I hold onto things that are so upsetting to me? I'd like to put all the bad stuff in the past and not have it bother me anymore but I really don't know how to do that. It's all very upsetting to me that I can't seem to do that. To tell me to just forget about it just doesn't seem to work for me. This has haunted me since I was 9. How can I just forget about it now or at least put it in the past so that it doesn't bother me. I remember seeing an Oprah show on this once and she said that it is like giving the perpetrator all your power, and she's right. He still has my power and has had all these years. But how do I get my power back???

I think I am more traumatized by this now than I was before we started talking about it in therapy yesterday. But maybe that's to be expected, that it will get worse before it get better?

At least I'm 100 percent sure with all my other traumas that my memories are true memories. I have no reason to question any of them.

God, why do people have to deal with all this horror!!!

I'm glad that you feel you are being helped by me talking about it. That's a positive thing.