Oh Sky if only I knew the answers to that....lol

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I mean there is no real reason why I just don't make the actual effort to get my life on track, other than the fact that I just don't want to feel like a failure to everyone around me. I know that if I seek professional help, I won't want to continue school, and then I know they won't pay for therapy if I drop out. I've always been a big waste of money and I hate thinking that's what they think. I can't let them know how I feel, not without being cut off from the family, or rejected. Ever since the first incident they became extra religious and that's just not me. I'm an atheist, which is just one of the problems they have with me. That whole first incident opened up a can of worms. I can't dare do it twice and actually admit to these things. They already treat me differently in small subtle ways. They still love me, but under their own conditions. If they ever found out half the %#@&#! I've done in my life, they'd cut me out of the family. I honestly don't think any of them would accept me or forgive me.

I'm going to fail them, my friends, and myself.