I think it's all in the delivery. I don't think it was wrong to talk with her but I think there could have been a better way to address it. For example, I tweaked what you said here:
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I don't think it's kind to tell someone you will do something and not deliver. I feel it's even hurtful. If you can't send me a gift at all, I'd understand. I'd prefer you not say anything than to say something and not come through.
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Below was a bit over the top and very negative. Cruel? Not unless it was purposely done. Nasty? I hope you didn't call her that. You "always" deliver.. sounds a bit shaming..
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it's cruel to tell someone that you will do something and not deliver. If I did that to her I would really hear about it and she would get very nasty. I always deliver on my promises I make with people and if I didn't then I would explain.
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