I am so sorry you went through all of that. It totally makes sense that your self-esteem has been impacted by the negativity/bullying/abuse you faced growing up.

I am proud of you for reaching out and seeking ways to improve your self-esteem.

Have you worked with a therapist who specializes in trauma and/or self-esteem? If not, it may be worth looking into.

I know you are going through a book now, and I bet there are soooo many other good books on the topic too.

There may also be online support groups specific to self-esteem?