Thank you for your post, @KBMK. Especially since you used to work in nursing homes. So, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I agree with you that my mother’s nursing home is a really poor run nursing home and without her elderly care waiver, her room would cost $7,000 a month! It’s outrageous.

I can see why you left your line of work. And yes, I agree with you that the way we take care of the elderly is a huge societal problem. I wish there was a good solution but even nursing homes aren’t the answer because of the neglect and abuse that is allowed to happen.

This morning I received a phone call from the executive director. She’d read my email I’d sent last night. She tried to defend the nurse, who I learned was STILL THERE hiding inside her nurse station office (the light was on, the blinds were down) when her aide went ballistic on me and I had a shouting match while holding my mother’s dinner tray.

I explained to the executive director that it’s no excuse (the nurse’s behavior). I said, “The nurse should have verified with the kitchen at 5 p.m. when dinner was served and I was there with my Thanksgiving food, not to have the aide bring my mother a dinner tray. So, this situation is entirely that nurse’s fault!!!” I didn’t tell the executive director that I filed a complaint with the county either. Why should I tell her? I feel like that is the only way to get this situation with the kitchen and nursing staff fixed — to have the County involved.

The phone call ended with the executive director “promising” she’d fire that aide (like that is the problem). I told her that this problem keeps happening and there’s literally no logical explanation why, and that she needs to prove to me that the problem will be fixed somehow.

I like your suggestion of talking to the kitchen staff and aides myself. However, I doubt they will be willing to talk to me after what happened yesterday with their fellow aide worker, while the idiotic nurse who is responsible for this whole mess, hid in her nursing station. Had she taken responsibility for her ineptitude I still wouldn’t be fuming as I am right now, even after talking to o the executive director who refuses to hold the nurse responsible. So, the County will call the executive director and hopefully scare the **** out of her. And if she dare retaliate against my poor mother, I will get the County involved yet gain.

My mother has dementia. She doesn’t know what day or what month or year it is. Her short term and long term memory is gone. So, putting a calendar or communication book in her room is pointless. She doesn’t even know how to use a telephone or tv remote control.

The nursing home policy is that the caregiver (me) is supposed to tell the nursing staff what date/time to hold the resident’s meal. And since there are 3 shifts of aides, it would not work to leave notes for the aides in my mother’s room, unfortunately. Although a good suggestion, it’s just not practical because of how inept this nursing home staff clearly are.

I decided that after this, I won’t bother trying to bring my mother meals anymore. It’s just not worth the stress. However, the County will definitely have an impact on the missing meals problem there for my mother. If it doesn’t, I will hire an elderly lawyer. I just want my mother to be safe there. To remove her to another nursing home will be a process. I’d have to get her name on a waiting list for elderly waiver beds and make sure the nursing home isn’t a step down from the one she’s currently at.

As you know from being a care worker, nursing homes are hellholes. Aides are paid low wages so they just don’t give a damn about the memory care residents’ well being.

My hope is once the COVID vaccine is administered to nursing homes like my mother’s, I’ll be finally able to take her out of there on “visits.” I could at least take her to restaurants for celebratory meals like her birthday, and other holidays. She’s not completely gone and still knows me. But she has lost a lot of her memory since she’s been in that nursing home for over a year. I feel like that environment has sped up her dementia somehow.

Like, almost 2 years ago my mother could drive a car and walk without a walker. Now, she can’t walk without her walker and she definitely can’t drive and she doesn’t walk very far. Not to mention the medications she’s on, that I disagree with her geriatric doctor about.

Thanks for responding @KBMK. It helped a lot to hear from someone whose familiar with the nursing home environment.