Quote:
Originally Posted by ZAXs
Thanks for the replies.
Yes she has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
She has been through a few physiologist and therapist.
I never get an opportunity to talk to her mental health professionals as she quits them as soon as she feels they are not telling her what she wants to hear.
Medical Dr for her dietary issues have on more then one occasion referred her to mental health professionals and every time it has lit a fuse in her and she breaks down stating they won’t help her because they think she is crazy. Her words not mine.
Her parents,
They unfortunately are part of the issue. The fathers side has lots of mental health issues and her mothers side has depression.
They are enablers and simply agree she is taking the best course of action. For example with the current situation my daughter called her grandmother with concern as she senses the mounting frustration on my part and let her grandmother know she fears the worst and feels abandoned. The response from grandma was this should not affect you and you should not have a problem with your mother staying with us so she can get better.
Yes symptoms are constant. Even if my wife solves one issue she finds some other health issue to focus on and the cycle starts all over again.
Update to our situation: My daughters conversation with grandmother got my wife thinking and she came to the house pleading that she does not ever want to separate and this is just to get better. She went as far as offering to setup tracking on her phone so I could check where she is at all times. I declined that offer as I do honestly trust her in that regard.
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ZAX, wow I'm so sorry you have had to endure this behavior from your wife for the whole of your marriage for the past 19 years. That's too much responsibility for one person to be saddled with. No wonder you are depressed! I would be too!
I don't blame your daughter for feeling abandoned. That's because she has been abandoned by her mother (your wife) emotionally and physically. Your wife's priorities are not motherhood or being your wife, as much as they seem to be about her hypochondria which is fueled by her anxiety and depression and creates a vicious cycle.
Do you have a therapist you can go to for emotional support? If not, maybe consider seeking counseling so you can have someone to vent to and who could help you come up with a "new" plan to manage your wife's bipolar disorder.
If you think you've reached your mental limit with your wife, then I don't think divorce is an unrealistic response. I think it would be a healthy response. It sounds like your wife's mental health has deteriorated to the point where she is not someone who anyone can rely on, especially since her parents continue to enable her behavior.
Maybe start the legal separation process. Her response to your daughter - showing up in a panic to reassure her and you, is likely due more to the fact that she is well aware that her flighty behavior is having negative consequences for her (she could lose her husband and daughter and the life she built with you).
You need to decide when you are ready to put your needs first, for a change. You've already spent 19 years putting yourself second and not having your own needs met by your wife, I assume? Have you been her caretaker without any reciprocation from her as far as your needs?
What options have you tried in the past when she's done similar things like going between your house and her parents' house?