I used to be like this. My sister also would intentionally trigger my boundaries about certain things she knew she shouldn’t, in front our family or in front of my past boyfriends or friends whom I introduced to her at family gatherings. She actually ruined a lot of my relationships with her behavior, b/c she would blurt out private information about me that had nothing do to with the context of situations we were in during the family gatherings.

In one instance, she pulled aside a former boyfriend when I was in another room, and told him that he was crazy to be dating me, that she felt I was cuckoo, and other things. He broke up with me literally a few days later and told me it was because of the information my sister shared with him about me, that I hadn’t shared with him yet.

What I have learned over the years, is that I no longer introduce friends or boyfriends to my family anymore. Sometimes that stalls out the relationships from continuing, and sometimes it hasn’t and I’m still involved with people because they choose to respect that I have these new boundaries with my family members, who intentionally treat me like garbage and always will.

You have the decision to make about your situation. Do you institute new boundaries or do you continue to put yourself in the line of fire like you do with your sister, where she intentionally will gaslight and trigger you because she knows you are vulnerable and will react b/c you care about what she thinks, more than you care about your own boundaries.

I think you need to stop reacting to your sister and other family members’ triggering behavior. That is probably the hardest thing but it’s the only thing that works. You have to either stop interacting with your family, or, still interact with them, but when they trigger you, just don’t react anymore. That’s why they put you down; because they want the satisfaction of knowing they hurt you. They don’t like or respect you, or they wouldn’t treat you that way.

No one can change them for you. You can’t change them either. You can only change how you react to them. I hope that helps.