My T said ‘we always work it out’ and ‘we always learn something’, and that was very important. We had a number of ruptures that were very painful and awful at the time, but T was right because it was a learning experience for both of us - with hindsight - and also I think he wanted me to learn that you can disagree or fall out with someone and still work it out - so part of the template of a healthy relationship. When I look back now I think I was very difficult to work with. If I said that to T he would say something opposite, like he was impressed by my commitment or something like that. Anyway I know I’ve been very fortunate with my T, and with a good T ruptures CAN be a valuable experience overall even though it’s horrible at the time.