Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
The hard part of this challenge for you is your nephew. That's always been what challenged me the most and can trigger me is how I want to help the individual who is struggling and doesn't deserve it. Be it an animal, a child or another individual who is being abused and doesn't deserve it.
The more narcissistic a person is, the more they tend to blame everyone else. They often see things in a very distorted way. It's all about how THEY feel, and they tend to take up space and have everything be about THEM.
When they are angry they don't see beyond their own feelings, they rage and look for anyone they can rage to, even if it's someone weak or struggling, doesn't matter. They are very much like someone drowning and they will pull anyone down with them.
If you observe this happening, it can get VERY TRIGGERING.
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I don't know that my brother is a narcissist. I don't want to use labels. Regardless of labels it is abusive behavior, or user behavior. I only exist to him to provide him whatever he needs. And he gets mad like, oh I have kids and a family and I have to put them first. No, sorry, if you want relationships with people then you have to work on them. So he was willing to sacrifice our relationship, then acted like he wanted to reconcile, when all he really wanted was for me to be a blank person without needs for him to lean on. I want to help and support him, but I'm not putting myself at risk or letting it be detrimental to my own well being. When we first got back in contact and had this serious conversation, he blamed his ex wife for alienating him from his family. I just stayed silent because while she may have done that, he let her, and he still didn't apologize for his behavior. Just blamed it on her. So like my feelings don't matter because his wife made him do it.
No, he alienated himself. He is choosing to be how he is right now. Choosing to lash out at people who try to help. I didn't come back in his life begging for attention. I was surprised when he texted me and a little hopeful to see my nephews. His words to me were that he was going through a divorce and wanted support. At least I've learned that lesson. I should have called that out when he said it, and said something to the effect of, I'm not here to be your therapist, but I am here for a two way relationship. But if you're just looking for one-sided support then you need to talk to your therapist and not me.
It's so ****ed up, and yet I'm still so used to the abuse that I still have to ask others if I'm being unreasonable. And when I tell them what happened, they are like, no way that's wrong.