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Originally Posted by RoxanneToto
I think what you did with your kids actually sounds pretty helpful for them, as opposed to just telling them off or dismissing their feelings when they were upset or angry. Helping them find words to express their feelings is a good thing!
I honestly don’t think my mum is a narc, but she has told me off or said stuff like “that’s just how it is” or even blamed me for something happening when I’ve been upset before. I love her in my own way, but when I’m upset she’s rarely been that helpful. I hate saying all that, but it’s true.
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Thank you. Yeah, I didn't try to dismiss their feelings, but I worry that I did too much to figure things out FOR them.
Seems like there's so many ways to mess kids up, there's no escape.
I've experienced those responses you mention as well from friends - that can come from people who are uncomfortable with other ppl's feelings, a feeling of powerlessness, etc. Like - 'this person is upset, I can't fix it, I want them to stop being upset so I don't have to feel bad about it, so I tell them whatever I have to tell them to make them stop.' Like a sort of social/empathy retardation. It is a hard sort of response to deal with bc it makes you feel invalidated, and defensive. Like - 'this bad thing happened to me, it's not my fault & it's really a bad thing, can't you just feel bad for me for a minute?' LOL Ah well.