Trying to keep your world the way it should be has led to the development of ptsd. You constantly battle yourself to let whomever be who they are, you developed the habit of being the "fixer".

You stress from one moment to the next to play different roles FOR OTHERS, instead you need to be you, where you are fluid and allowing for others to slowly develop their own identities.

The reason I shared the true story about this grandmother who is a doctor of child psychology is because SHE, with all her education did not know how to be fluid and she took over and barked orders at this 3 year old grandchild. When I experienced her all I knew is she was some kind of doctor, I had no idea she was a doctor of child psychology and college professor. All I knew is she was very self important and I picked up on how she liked to have the control.

I watched her bark orders over and over again and knowing children, I knew how that simply doesn't work. I had to wait for her to get frustrated and ask me to take over. No way could I have done what I did without her asking, she simply was not the type. What she saw me do is what I ALWAYS did with children. And she was not the first "controlling" parental figure I had encountered either.

What I managed to provide her with is how I changed it from controlling and barking orders to allowing the child to have THEIR identity. She got to experience how much tension that took away. It wasn't until she experienced this change and it was so profound for her that I learned she was a Dr. of Child Psychology.

Disorders develop when a child isn't helped to have their own identity (which is the first thing I did with this child). What takes shape is how they look to find ways to gain attention that slowly becomes who they are instead which is "disordered". This is something that takes shape as a child develops. This child has learned that if he is defiant, he gets some kind of control and it's starting to become his way of getting his own space. Yet, he doesn't realize it.