Thanks everyone. I wasn't expecting such a big response. This is really helpful and useful to know that actually therapy isn't just a blank slate therapist. My two previous therapists didnt really reveal anything of themselves and gave very little away and i think that was a huge barrier to me opening up. I think i am overthinking it because I don't know if the oversharing is unprofessional, he does say a lot of political stuff and things he has done in the past before he was a therapist. But I suppose the real question is, is it helping me to open up. Which i think it it and I easily have a good easy going rapport with him. I just didn't know whether that was just us not really talking about the heavy stuff and just messing around. I sense he is pretty avoidant as well, in terms of joking of things about himself, but for me this eases the tension. Having an avoidant attatchment myself I know i tend to villify my therapists and sometimes this has been warranted but I also know I push people away to prevent myself from becoming attached and so its hard to trust my judgement on things- is it a trauma response or an actual recognisition of something not working. It is something I am constantly working through and I kinda said it once in therapy and for a number of sessions afterwards he would casually drop in things like I have quit therapy a number of times before. I have called him out on it, which i think previously i don't think i would have been able to do to my therapists, but i do feel hesitant to tell him I literally go home and think about how **** he is as a therapist and i don't know whether it is because he is **** or because I am scared of attaching.
There is perhaps more to the story, I am non-binary and last session he used the wrong pronouns. several times and i feel i illustrated my frustration but we didn't talk about it. He is also going through a time at the moment and I am not very compassionate with therapists who have their own stuff to deal with (which i realise is a contridiction with it being helpful for me to start attaching to the person) and so i think i was holding that against him and potenially projecting an unprofessionalism due to my own perception of his openess as vulunerable. Its very messed up. But perhaps as you have read there is a mound of contridictions in here, hence the overthinking.
I am also really struggling at the moment and I suppose last session I think i wanted more then I got, which i am not sure was poor counselling or actually me wanting someone to save me and getting angry when they fall short of solving all my problems there and then. ****, maybe I am attatched.....