I've been thinking about this a lot lately, I think because I was invited to another volunteer appreciation thing for them that will take place in a couple weeks. This is through zoom though.


I have been unsure of whether to go or not. I have to rsvp by tomorrow.


I've been thinking about one particular comment by this woman, that I posted about in my OP: she said "WovenGalaxy does all the things no one else wants to do." The truth is though, I just do what they give me to do. That's why her comment felt so weird and backhanded. Because unless they GIVE me the stuff no one else wants to do...why would she say that? Unless she just says rando hyperbolic (exaggerated) stuff sometimes. That's a possibility too. I think it also bothered me because I was not even invited to that September event by this woman. Someone else from the org invited me and sent me her forward to the people who helped with that event but I'd originally been left out of that invite. I think it all just felt weird and uncomfortable, and insensitive. I want to validate myself about that. Even if she had the best intentions, I still felt really uncomfortable.


I've been thinking a lot about how people act there. The volunteer coordinator once said to me, after I donated a piece of art to them "you're a little artist!" I'm 37 and it just felt so patronizing when she said "little." She's my age.


They've also been very kind to me. I like talking to some of them, including the volunteer coordinator.


I don't want to avoid stuff just because of...what goes on inside myself. I just....this stuff has really affected me.


I'm wondering if there's a way I carry myself where people act a certain way around me - patronizing. I've heard we are mirrors / we teach people how to treat us.


I dunno. I just don't know if this is in my head or real. If I had to guess, I'd say a little of both.


I will probably go to the thing later in the month, since I don't want to fortune tell. And it would be much easier to leave it was uncomfortable. Just one click. I also don't want to let stuff like this rule my life. I don't know the whole story behind everyone's actions. But I know I need to feel better about myself. Honestly, I don't hate myself. I just have triggers and I really don't like talking about myself in groups. And people ****ing like to ask lol.