Why is the narcissistic person unaware they keep doing the same toxic thing? Because they don’t want to change. They truly aren’t aware they are toxic. If you tell them they are, they get more angry and hostile.

As for the identity of children steered to meet parents’ approval, I think the child always does have their own personality, likes and desires, but they do what the parent wants to gain approval. Then sometimes eventually they rebel and do what they want that meets with the parents disapproval, they are disowned and slandered sometimes, and sometimes don’t care.

When the family sees the parent who treats others like this, they discount the slander because sometimes the same has been done to them by this person. They have no credibility. The family tries to avoid their wrath and copes with it if they don’t go estranged.