Dear all

I really am running towards a brick wall here, I've posted on this forum years ago but can't remember my username and everyone was very helpful. I am 31, soon to be 32 woman. I have had mostly long-term relationships and I am so lost right now I feel I am broken.
This April I was single at the time, enjoying life, training, being the best me I can be, working and overall a happy person.
Due to the COVID situation I was getting bored and decided to message a guy I saw on a tv show in my country. It is a famous tv show worldwide. The guy replied, little did I know, he actually won 1 month into us chatting. I met him a couple of days after the finale and people were greeting him it was a weird experience. But I honestly, didn't care about that, if I could change anything, him not winning would have be that one thing... I am financially very stable, I honestly don't care about anything else, but him. He could be the biggest loser (and trust me, many MANY people show hatred towards him due to his behaviour in the show and overall vibe that he has, maybe they are not wrong...)
I thought that all will finish with that one night together, but no. He called me a couple of days later, turned out he is living in another city, so we met halfway. As time went I started going to his city, booking apartments and end of summer I rented one. We were seeing each other approximately every 2 weeks. I was the one driving, coming, renting, I knew he would be so busy as the show provided him with the opportunity to follow his dream and open up the restaurant he wanted.
Anyway, he seemed interested, but never overboard, me, being the stupid girl I am fell head over hills for him. Recently he got very busy, stopped responding, he kept telling me he is busy, cannot pay attention to himself and to myself, but I rented an apartment to come see him! I told him I can help him with anything he needed and I actually did help with a couple of things.
Once he stopped responding I started getting annoyed, as I ahve always been the one chasing, since he is the one being busy, the one other people want to take pics with etc. He introduced me to his parents a while back even. I have many times fallen asleep with make up on, waiting for him, he showed up at odd times, one time I told him I am tired (it was 4 AM!!) and he got angry, I sprinted across the city at 4 am in my pajamas to go begging him not to be angry... jesus it sounds pathetic even when I type about it.

It's been 2 weeks since he stopped responding as an overall, I sent him probably dozen messages, angry, nice ones, ghosting is no fun. I asked him - just tell me if you don't want to see me don't ghost me. I just need friggin communication. His chats have always been so difficult, he barely responds to me and that is since the very beginning. He is ok when we talk but not when we chat.
We have not seen each other for 2 months now which is killing me.

I know I need to stop texting him and just let him come to me if he even wants to, but it is so freaking hard. I cannot sleep, eat, I cry all the time. I have never ever given so much for a guy, bought him expensive presents for his birthday and he didn't even invite me to celebrate. I have been a 99% giver and he has been a 1% giver. I know the truth - I don't deserve to be treated like this and I should forget him, give up the rented apartment, come back home and just be me. But why it is so difficult. I am not seeing my friends anymore, I am literally the worst I've ever been in my life and I've been ghosted before, ignored, broken up with, cheated on, whatnot.

Please help me, please tell me you know what I mean and that you texted people when you shouldn't have. I literally feel like the dumbest, most undeserving person in the world. I know I've given too much for someone who doesn't deserve this, he even owns me money... To add to the picture, I consider myself a good looking girl, I am high maintenance, or at least I try to be, I pole dance as a hobby and I could never ever intentionally harm anything living. That is me, being very honest with you guys. Please help me with this, I know I need to not text him, but it is so so so difficult.