I'm definitely defensive.

When I was with CAMHS (uk child and adolescent mental health services), I was kind of forced to attend therapy, as kind of like CTO condition, a lot of times I just showed up and sat there because I had to. I hardly talked and basically fiddled with my hair bubbles for like an hour. When I had an inpatient admission for about a year long I did slowly start to talk a tiny bit after about three to four months of individual sessions. But nothing deep at all. I showed a lot of things in behaviours (like anorexia, self harm etc), I didn't really engaged with the nurses or support workers. I made some really good friends when I was IP but I was always extremely quiet.

My current T is the first I really talked with. And it probably took at least a year before I trust her enough to really start talking. Now we are fine, our sessions aren't 80%+ silences anymore like it was when we first started.

I wonder what it's like for everyone else? Like for therapy to actually get down to like the roots of things rather just like very superficial.